Thursday, April 23, 2009

Toys In The Attic

One afternoon while I was doing my homework....not buying it?

Okay, one afternoon I was screwing around,  they came running up with fire in their eyes and white like they just saw a monster. Ken and Mike had been down in the park behind the lake doing...well, I would rather not say, but they came in under obvious duress and in an extreme state of excitation.

"Dude, do you know what we just saw?" Mike asked with intensity that either made me laugh or know something was really wrong. It was hard to make that determination until I heard the next sentence so I waited, just putting my hands up.

"The missing Link!" he said as though it had meaning we all could relate to.

Well, it did actually, many fantastic theories, superstitions, and urban legends, were born on nights we all slept out on the club Island or just random days of speculative musings hanging with Mike.

"Don't ever let me catch you shining a flash light at UFO's" Nearly at the top of his lungs.

This wisdom was first imparted to us at a high school party or a gathering in the hills or whatever. Of course, we all stopped and had to hear this wisdom.

"Dude, do you know what happens when they pick you up in a ship? That's right laugh about it." He said with all the confidence that he had been through it a million times. "Well, they operate on you. Why do you think my intestines are all tied in knots? They're looking for the missing link!"

Tom and I were tapped into this source of wisdom and knew better than to question it. Those not in the know immediately thought he was nuts and laughed it off, which is sad now because those were great moments I will never forget. He would realize that he was among the lower energy beings and would save the higher realm of fantastical ideas for us. How privileged we were!

"Ken what did you see?" I asked knowing Ken had no ability to keep up with a Soma story and knew that he would blow Mike's facts if this was a game.

"Well, we didn't see it but we heard it."

"You heard it?" I asked with little patience at this point.

"Yeah," they both said.

"How do you know it was the missing link?'

Then Mike's expression took on that serious look that would give De Niro a run for his money. Everyone that knew him recognized the face.

"Because it was hopping"

"Hopping? Come on dude, give me a break. Ken?" I looked at him like, "tell me the truth".

"Hopping" he said almost smiling.

"So, why does it hop, is it a rabbit?"

"Because it only has one leg and it's gigantic. Don't let that fool you, though. He's fast... we barely got out of there."Man, the thumping gets so loud when he gets close. It almost makes you freeze in fear." Mike said, being the great embellisher of imagined facts that he was.

"What is the missing link doing back in Malibu Creek State Park?"

"Well, funny you should ask this because from what I can tell he is mining."

"Mining... for what?"

"Copper Glance!"

"Alright, fuck you guys, lets go find this thing." I said to call their bluff.

"You don't believe us? Lets go!"

Now, if I told you that I didn't believe them one hundred percent, I would be lying. I have been with Mike many times and had things happen that no one would believe because they didn't experience it. For example, he always said that his house was built over an Indian burial ground and that because of that there was a passage to hell in his basement. He never changed that story ever. So, one day we were in his house after school and we got to talking about the fact that some of the local girls were in need of our passion. Yeah, humping! We were in fifth grade but our minds were in the gutter. Suddenly the walls jolted violently. Crack! Bam...Bam...Bam! We ran like hell.

"Do you believe me now?" he said as we ran until we found somebody.

We asked everybody if there had been an earthquake. They all said no and nothing on the news.

"Where did you guys see,  I mean hear the monopod missing link?"

"Well, we were past the Mash set, up the lost cabin trail when we heard it."

Being total professionals we 

came prepared with all the requisite special interest tools and materials for pursuing a missing link. We meandered our way down the dam hill and started into the park when right away the littlest things became funny. We were enjoying a good old time and didn't really notice the report of a nail gun echoing from a construction site up at the lake down into the park. As we rounded the corner there was a Ranger with his gun out hiding behind his door.

He commanded that we, "Put the backpack down and step away from it."

Mike yelled, "We're not criminals!"

"Put the backpack down and step back, boys! What's in the bag?" Said Mr. Ranger

"gonipype," Mike said with the determination that that word would do exactly what it did.

"What? Do you guys have any guns?"

Mike, "I said we aren't criminals."

Needless to say, I was frozen and speechless. The Ranger's gun soundlessly killing my blissful attitude. The ranger checked the bag and only found two water bottles, one full and one empty.

"What are you guys doing down here?" asked Ranger Rick.

"Well, enjoying a hike and looking for the missing link."

"Alright, smart asses, what are your names?" as Ken and Mike gave their names I was deciding if I could talk or not.

"So, what's yours? Hey dummy, you know your name?"

I couldn't remember. "Pa...PPP"

The nail gun up at the lake went off again amplified off the canyon walls, blap...blap...blap.

"Get out of here, someone's got a gun!" warned the Ranger.

"Okay, "Yes, Sir! We're outa here", as we started running, we heard the deep thump shake the earth from the opposite direction.

"Holy shit, dude! hehehehe… I was getting into Mike's urban legend now.

"Dude, for your life!" I screamed.

Crazy on you!

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